Last Week’s News

It’s been a quiet week in Swaziland. An arsonist firebombed a house so efficiently that he set himself on fire and had to be admitted to hospital with burns to his “private parts”. Perhaps he should be referred to as an “arse-onfire-ist”.

A police officer became a cowboy for an hour, as he herded some cattle away from the main road between Manzini and Mbabane. A full colour advertisement promoted looking after your cows in a responsible manner, but one old lady got into trouble with the law because her cows strayed onto a road. She was told to sell the cows and put the money into the bank. She refused saying that banks would misappropriate her money.

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The World Health Organisation has named Swaziland as having the second highest obesity rate in Africa. I bet you can’t guess which country took the number one spot. Answer at the end of the post.

Sex always features strongly in the paper. A serial rapist was caught in a forested area near the border with South Africa. He caught women who were collecting firewood. His chat up line was that they were at risk of being gang raped, but alternatively they could submit to his advances. He is on remand.

Another chap was fined 2,000 Rand because he forcibly kissed his sister-in-law. The magistrate asked him why he only had one girlfriend. If he liked kissing so much, he should get another girlfriend closer to his home. After all, there was no law in the Bible or in the kingdom about how many girlfriends a man could have. He could have ten if he liked.

Another article was headed “180 school boys drop out after impregnating girls”. At first I thought that these lads had left school in order to help bring up their offspring, but this was not mentioned at all. The 634 school girls who became pregnant and dropped out did not get the headline. The author says that “shaking our heads and wondering what went wrong” is not enough.

Finally, there is a series of warning cartoons, advising against taking selfies in dangerous situations. Well, one chap fell down a ravine last month when he was using WhatsApp on his mobile phone, and not looking where he was headed.

The fattest country in Africa is…Seychelles.

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One Reply to “Last Week’s News”

  1. I did not guess the Seychelles as I was not thinking of them as part of Africa. They are geopolitically, but as I am more prone to thinking flora/fauna – faunally (not a real word – but it should be) they are more Indo-Pacific. Your news sounds like the news here on our island archipelago – one of our deputies had to herd yaks off the road. We are north, but not that far north.

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